so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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