No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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