Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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