His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
