i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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