There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
