You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
