omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
