His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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