PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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