He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
