wanna go halves on a baby?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
