TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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