i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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