Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
