just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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