So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
