well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
3 2 1 whiskey
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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