Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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