My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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