I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
