if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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