the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
