oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
