Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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