I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm like, not good at living.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
