Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I am morally bankrupt
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
