His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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