We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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