My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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