Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
