I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my poor anus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
