i think my tv is drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
