Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
