Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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