so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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