Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
