I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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