You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My liver just broke up with me...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
