Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
