Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
