all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
