You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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