I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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