Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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