Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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