The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
