It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
