Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
