Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
