whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
