I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
