Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
