he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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