dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
