Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
