theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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