What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
