i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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