he puts the penis in happiness.
birth control should be required to get into college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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