Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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