My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
