I cannot find my penis.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
