no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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