My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
