You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You have to summon your inner elephant
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
