so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
