So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
