Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
