Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
