Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were trust falling into bushes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
