Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Houston, we have a squirter
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
