It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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