I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
its liver damage thursday
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
