If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this boner is exhausting
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
wow bdsm is so cute
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