I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
