apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
