fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
