Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
