I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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