brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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